Jen16226

As you can see I changed my picture!  That is me and Kevin on Mothers Day after working in the yard…….just so pretty! LOL

Alright……..so last night I had to scrub the rugs, give the dog a bath and seperate fighting kids.  Not a fun night.  And of course that emotional eating…..I don’t think I can ever get rid of that, BUT the choice I made was alot better than in the past.  So typically people binge on junk….ice cream, cake, donuts, chocolate…….what did I choose to eat? The light broccoli slaw that I made. LOL  Hey at least it filled me up and I didn’t eat all the servings remaining in the container….I still have 1 of the 4 left for lunch today.

TOM is definately about to pay a visit….I have such cramps today, but at least I don’t have a migraine.  When I had my IUD I used to get HORRIBLE migraines…..debilitating…..I had my tubes tied in November (sorry of TMI) since 5 is enough and I was tired of the migraines.  There was never anything in any of the studies of the type of IUD that I had that indicated weight gain or migraine, but you can not tell me otherwise that that was not the cause of the migraines and part of the problem with my sudden weight gain.

Kevin won’t be home until Friday now….he is on the other side of the state and will be in NJ on Thursday.  Only a couple of more weeks and he is home for the summer!  At least this outage season has flown by with 5 months done.

So it is raining here, which means we probably won’t have softball or baseball tonight (although it was a conflict and I would have been at the softball field).  My rugs are nice and clean, so as soon as I get through the door this afternoon I will be working out.  I also am bringing that exerband to work today to get some inner thigh work done throughout the day.  I kept forgetting it because it is under the couch….already in my purse. 

Food today will be breakfast..oatmeal, lunch…a LC Panini and broccoli slaw, dinner….roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and probably green beans.  Snacks today are a granola bar, banana and apple.

Just one day I would like to have everything that I plan out turn out the way I want them.

Sooooo work was an absolute nightmare…just busy as anything and the new computer system is a disaster.

I get the kids off the bus and run to Wally World….do you think they stopped fighting once the whole time?  Finally at the grocery store, I had to break up a physical fight they were having in the frozen food aisle and had to give Garrett a whap in the butt and give Jess an extra day on her grounding.  This was rediculous.  Absolutely horrendous.

Then I get home and my dog has a stomach problem because ALL OVER MY HOUSE she was sick and pooped…..I will now be cleaning rugs all night.

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So food today was good and this evening will be better…I have steaks cooking right now and I made my light broccoli slaw.  Apparently since I need to clean every rug in my house, I am not working out.  I am not stepping foot in that living room again until I get the scrubber out.  UGH. 

I know….I am so original with the headings on my blog sometimes!  I had a hard time with food yesterday…I was just ravenous…TOM is lurking.  I will do better with it today though.  I don’t think that it helped either that I was on the run run run in the evening with 3 ball games.  It was hard with Jess.  She is grounded until Thurs. but I have the other kids that I need to go cheer them on, so we went to the games and I made her sit next to me or my future MIL the entire time.  I kind of felt bad because her friends were all up at the home games and wanting to hang out, but I stuck to my guns and that was that.

As for the eating last night, I am glad that I did recognize what was going on and kept myself busy.  I like to crochet.  I basically have taught myself.  My grandma taught me the basic single crochet and chain but all other stitches I have taught myself….so I am working on a blanket for Kevin for his birthday, but this one is different and a pain!  You take fleece and cut it into 30 9×10 squares and then poke holes along the sides (THAT is THE pain!!!!) and then crochet in the holes and eventually join them all together and then do an edging on it.  I brought some squares with me to the games and was working on them.  Good way to keep your hands busy!!! You can not eat with a hook and yarn in your hands. LOL

OK so the plan today is work, come home and do a cardio workout.

Food today will be oatmeal for breakfast, salad for lunch, not sure on dinner yet.  Snacks will be fruit.

I had such a nice Mothers Day weekend!  There was nothing spectacular going on, but it really was exactly what I needed after the horrible week that I had with all the issues that happened.

So my friend Pam bailed on me Saturday night, which was fine because Kevin got home and we went out and had a blast.  Nothing fancy…just to one of the bar/restaurants for dinner then over to the Eagle’s club for drinks and talk.

Mothers Day was nice….we finished my garden!  I was sooo happy with that.  It looks just like I wanted it.  BUT while we were at Walmart getting mulch, Kevin says “Honey you need a bathing suit or 2 for Mexico”   so there we go looking and they had seperates so I got 2 tops and 2 bottoms that I can switch with each other.  1 was boys shorts the other has a cute little skirt on it and the tops both are longer to cover that tummy which even when it is at it’s best shape I have those horrible stretch marks from years of yoyo weight and kids.  I tried them on last night and they actually do not look too bad.  I even bought them a size smaller than I am wearing now to give me something to shoot for.

After all of the yard work, we went to my mom’s house for dinner and to hang out.  At this point we picked up his kids and Jess….Garrett was already at my mom’s.  We had a nice time.  Mom made alot of things for my consideration like roasted veggies and the dessert was low cal.

So on tap for today is 3 ball games this evening…Kevin is leaving in a few hours…and oh yeah, work.

Food will be breakfast, oatmeal, lunch, turkey sandwich and a salad, snacks will be a apple, banana and fruit cocktail.

Well I didn’t want to get up early, but Kevin’s days just run together, particularly when he works nights, so he called me bright and early thinking I was getting ready for work.

Yesterday was a decent day…..I didn’t work out though.  I think I am just going to have to have a redo moment with that tomorrow.  The whole episode with Jess was just sooo much on me.  That was, so far, the worst thing I have had to go through with any of the kids and it was very taxing on me mentally and physically….it zapped every ounce of energy from me.  I did, however eat right and get my water down.

So today Garrett has 2 birthday parties and there is one ball game.  Not sure if I will make the ball game.  I am also dropping Garrett off at my moms because I really need a night off.  My friend Pam is coming up here tonight to hang out with me…but now Kevin, it turns out, will be home too.  He was supposed to drive home at some point today but now he is flying.  This is going to sound horrible, but I really hope he doesn’t pick his kids up to bring them here.  I understand he misses the kids and is away from them just like he is away from me, but I need a night of decompression and had it all planned out.  I don’t want to go down to Pam’s because I don’t want to drink and drive the 40 miles and well honestly, Pam doesn’t smoke. LOL  drinking and smoking go hand in hand for me. I know that is bad. 

I want to thank all of you that have sent messages and comments of strength over the past couple of days when I truly needed them most.  I totally appreciate it all.

Last night was not much better with things.  Once I picked her up from detention, the kids cleaned their rooms and then Jess sat at the table and started writing letters of apology to all that were involved….she started to anyway.  She started having a tantrum because she wasn’t allowed out, while her brother was.  She had a screaming and crying tantrum for almost 2 hours.  After the first 20 minutes of it, I sent her to her room.  This is exactly one of the reasons why I had started sending her to counseling.  I tried to calm her down and suggested breathing exercises, but nothing came of it and she continued, so I went about my business and ignored her.

Onto weight loss….I apparently did not workout last night.  I am going to have to double up somewhere over the next 2 days to hit my workout goal for the week.  On the good news front, I lost 3 pounds this week!!!!!!!!!!!  THAT IS AWESOME!!  I have not had a loss like since I started on January 1st trying to lose this weight.

So on tap for today is work and Jess’ dad is picking her up so it’s just me and Garrett.  He has a Tball game tonight…..so as soon as I get home I need to workout. 

Food today will be oatmeal for breakfast, a LC and salad for lunch, dinner is probably leftover porkchops.  Snacks will be banana, apple, SF pudding.

So I am home and physically and mentally drained from everything today.  I went to the school this morning and met with the principal and 2 of her teachers.  Of course there was more in the note than she told me.  Because she has never been in trouble before, they were not suspending her….this was agreed upon by the mother of the other student.  I insisted that there be some sort of punishment and she was given detention today after school. She is also going to meet with the school pyscyologist as well as keep going to the one we have seen twice now. 

As for home…..her punishment here is she is in her room tonight and she will be writing letters of apology to her 3 teachers, the classmte, the principal and the vice principal.  She is to state that she is sorry, why she is sorry and why she will never do anything like this again.  She is not allowed out of room until those letters are done and handed to each person involved.  If it takes 2 nights for her to write them, so be it, then she is in her room for 2 nights.  After that she is in the house for a week after that.  No outside playing.  The only non school activity she is allowed over the next week is softball and that is only because it is a team and she is commited to it.  If she messes up during the next week I will also take that from her.

In addition, it really had me thinking that I truly need to get more together and consistent with my discipline, so since I couldn’t concentrate at work today, I put together a “rule book” that shows things I expect from them, why, the punishment for not doing it and the reward for doing it.

Anyway, I have to get going and get dinner started……not that I have much of an appetite.

I am in such a bad mood………after being the proud mommy last night because Jess won their softball game with a 2 RBI triple we get home to a message on the machine from the Asst. Principle of the school saying she needs to talk to me regarding Jess.   She didn’t go into detail so I turn and there Jess is and she starts crying.  Now first let me tell you that we have been having problems with her to the point that 2 weeks ago, I started taking her to a counselor.  She just has these emotional outbursts, defies everything I ask of her, there is just a whole gammit of things and her reactions are beyond what I consider normal.  So after trying EVERYTHING (even her counselor said I have done alot of things that she was about to suggest) I started taking her to counseling.  Anyway…..so I finish listening to the message that says she needs to talk to me…I turn to Jess and ask why the principle would need to talk to me and what happened at school.  She tells me she was caught putting a note on someones desk….now my immediate thought is it must have said something with a swear word or something to that effect…..NOPE…..it said “I have a knife” WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS!!!!!  In this day and age!!!!!!!  I almost hit the floor when she told me.  9 years old!!!!!!!!  Now, I grew up in NY and in my school days the extent of our notes were “I’m gonna kick your ass” or something like that…I am no stranger to fights or violence being stabbed during a fight myself…..BUT I DO NOT RAISE MY KIDS LIKE THAT!!!!!  I do not advocate any kind of violence or hurtfulness.  This is part of why I moved to Pennsylvania 12 years ago, because i didn’t want my kids to grow up in the same stuff like I did.  We live in a very nice, community and kid oriented town with plenty for them to do at all times to keep them out of trouble.  My sister (who still lives in NY) says my neighborhood is something out of a rockwell painting with everyone sweeping their sidewalks, etc.  Heck the town even hires older teenagers and college kids in the summers to be park monitors and to do crafts and keep a watchful eye at the playground thats how old school this town is.  I live the american dream….and that dream never included my 9 y/o implying something as dangerous and threatening as “I have a knife”.  She says she doesn’t know why she wrote it….that it was a joke.  I am sooooo sick to my stomach over this whole thing.  Just sick. 

So this morning, instead of calling back the principle, I am taking the kids to school instead of them riding the bus and am going to go into the school to talk to them about it.  I am so embarassed by this and so mad at Jess for doing anything even remotely threatening like this….even as a joke.  From what I understand so far, the kid found the note and turned it in to the teacher, the teacher asked who did it and Jess fessed up.  The teacher called the other students mom and they talked about it (Jess is not a problem student…straight A’s, gifted program, etc.) and the parent told her to turn it in to the principle, the principle called Jess down to the office and quizzed her about it probably getting the same answers that I got, and then next the call to me.

Absolutely sick to my stomach over this whole thing.  Just disgusted.

sorry to vent over on here about this…but this is my sounding board.  As if I didn’t feel like the worst mother before with her and her outbursts now I really feel like it.

I had the worst nights sleep in a long time.  I went to bed early with the intent of waking up early to workout…well that didn’t work.  I woke up twice with nightmares, then with a splitting headache, then Garrett woke up with a nightmare.  UGH.  I will have to shift my exercise to a rest day today and workout on Saturday.  I was trying to get it in early because Jess’ softball game was moved up and now I will literally have no time to do it today…we have to leave less than an hour after I get home from work. 

I did really good with food yesterday….I ate 1414 calories.  I have been aiming for between 1200-1500 per day.  I even had ice cream last night!  I haven’t had that in a while.  The Breyers FF double churn vanilla…..90 calories and 3 grams of fiber for a 1/2 C……very good.

So I realized yesterday that Kevin has been gone 5 months this season…and only home about 10 days during this time.  I can not wait for him to get home already.  I am truly truly missing him and as usual towards the end of a season, the communication is started to be yuck.  You run out of things to say and get sick of talking on the phone as your only form of communication. And me, I get mad when there is lack of communication.  There has to be a healthy dose of it to keep the relationship going for anyone, but even more so when your spouse (or future in my case) is on the road.  I think if I weren’t so self sufficient, it would be a problem…..and I honestly was not always that way.  It’s only the past few years that I gained that.  I think when you are a single parent with 2 kids depending on you for everything, plus I had my own house and had to do everything in it and around it that helps you.  That actually was something that Kevin admired about me when we first met….he came to my house and I was in the middle of remodeling my living room….stripping and smoothing the walls and all. LOL  So the other day I found a job in the paper for a power plant nearby and he has some of the experience they want…I told him and I was shocked that he applied online that same night.  I know how hard it was for him to do that….I just did it in December myself.  I left a very comfy job in an industry I had been in for 11 years making very good money.  But commuting 42 miles one way in horrible traffic everyday was horrible.  I was never able to do anything with the kids and when I did I was soooo tired and grumpy.  At least this for him is same industry, but would be leaving his company of 10 years.  Oh fingers crossed that the money is relative and he gets it. 

OK….so on tap for today….work (yuck because I am busy today) and Jess’ softball game.  For food….breakfast is oatmeal, lunch salad and a LC, dinner is taco’s per Jess’ request.  Snacks will be banana, apple and a 100 calorie pack.