Jen16226

Ohhhh last night was very rough for me.  I think TOM had something to do with it, but it took me everything to stay away from the kitchen last night.  I ate a filling dinner (a lean cuisine melt and a huge salad), but then I wanted a snack.  I had the 1 snack because I did have the points for it……but then that really wasn’t what I wanted, or at least that is what my brain was telling me, and I started going through the cabinets and fridge looking for something else.  I had not done that in quite some time…..but even better, I did not fall into that trap.  I talked some sense into myself to just grab a galss of water and go sit and crochet.

It is sooooo hard to crochet and eat! I can’t do it. LOL  I learned how to crochet as a way to spend time with my grandma a few years ago before she died.  She couldn’t go anywhere because she was so sick, so I would go over there and she would teach me…..little did I know at the time it would help me in times like this!

Last night was my WI and the start of week 2 of going to meetings again.  I was down .8.  Considering that Tom is here, I think that is pretty good.  Some people see .8 after they have been working hard all week and get mad and discouraged….and yes that can be hard…….but sometimes circumstances are beyond our control….sometimes the body just does what it wants to do….sometimes the scale gods are not kind.  It is a lifestyle change……we are/have changed our diet.  sometimes you have to look at the NSV’s…..you didn’t have to lay down on the bed to zip up the pants, not as winded walking up the stairs, you chose to eat the grilled chicken instead of fried and it was not an ordeal.  The little things add up!  The smaller pounds add up.

That said, onto today.  I have to work (yuck) then run to my MIL to help her with something, DD has basketball practice, and I need to get a workout in.

I had a really good day yesterday. 

I took the kids and 2 friends to the Y and I could not believe how empty it was!  We had the basketball court to ourselves for 40 mins..the other 20 mins we shared it.  I was running up and down that court basically to watch if the girls fouled each other, but also every now and then I would guard against one….also, the little one wanted nothing to do with the girls playing and he just wanted to try and shoot on his own, so every now and then I would run over to his area and try to steal the ball and make shots….which BTW I stink at!  After an hour of that we went down to the pool and swam.  It was family swim time, and again hardly anybody there.  I was talking to this other mom as our boys played, the whole time I was moving my legs(which I have to say I have a good sore this morning), and the subject of losing weight came up and she says “That’s where I know you from” and it clicked in my head too….I was sitting right next to her at my meeting last Monday!!!  Small world.   It was definately a fun day with the kids.  My daugther had so much fun she said she wants to do that every Sunday.

On the food front, I had a good day there too.  I didn’t use any of my A/P’s, but that was because I just wasn’t hungry for them. 

Tonight is WI…..I know TOM is looming, so I do not expect a loss….so anything will be nice.  As long as i know I did everything right this week, that is what counts.

I loooove Sunday’s.  Growing up, it was a day for family.  We were usually at my grandparents house in Queens.  Me and my cousins would play handball on the garage, constantly having to get my grandpa to get the ball off the roof.  Usually after a while of it, we would go for a walk to Steinway St with grandpa and the uncles to get bread for dinner.  Dinner was the same order everyweek….antipasto, salad, meat, pasta then fruit.  After that, again us cousins would take a walk with the uncles and grandpa to go get dessert.

I always wanted that same tradition for my kids.  I don’t live in NY anymore and all the cousins are spread out all over the country, but at least Sunday’s we have our own family dinners now.  I wasn’t the case a few years ago though when I was working 3 jobs trying to support my kids.  I am now working the one job, married and enjoying the fact that I can afford to work one job and be able to get to the kids events and spend time with them.  Our thing to spend time together today….we are going to the Y later.  Jess needs some work on shooting hoops.  So me and my 2 kids and 2 of Jess’ gf’s are going to the Y to use the gym.  After they are done, we are going to go swimming.  I have decided that I do not care what I look like in the bathing suit.  I will be getting enjoyable activity in and spending time with the kids…spending time with my family….that is what matters.

I will be playing like a kid!

I had sooo many things going on this week……running the kids to basketball, swim lessons, work(which sucked BTW), looking for my cat that was lost, frying my laptop and then neither of my desktops would connect to the internet!  BUT the one thing I did have control over was my plan and I stuck to it. 

For 2 of the days, my activity was not as I wanted it to be, but I walked instead looking for my cat Scout, who came home last night FINALLY…..VERY battered, but he is home.  I am waiting for a call back from the vet so I can take him in…..I can’t tell what happened.  I see some bad scratches above his eyes, but his chest is all cut up too and he can not walk on his one leg.

Got the desktops up and running again(apparently because here I am posting!)…I had to reinstall the hardware for my router.

Food last night was not great.  I had the munchies,but I made smart choices about it……especially since the kids snack cabinet is packed.  Instead I chose healthier things, journaled it and am using some of my flex points, which I had not used any of the 35 all week and that started Monday.

on my blog yesterday.  I have decided what I am going to do about this situation of non support from the hubby.  I am hoping, by the time he comes off the road to be at goal or VERY close to it (around memorial day).  I am going to stop looking at the $$ side of it and look at the health and happiness aspect of it.  If he does not want to respond to my requests for help when cooking….I will make myself something seperate.  If he does not want to respond to my requests for help with keeping the kids occupied while I work out, then I will go to the Y and get a workout in.  Plain and simple.  I have to keep  my feet planted hard and not give in.  This is important enough to me.

OK…enough about that……I have been soooo busy today at work I could just scream!  I hate doing check runs! LOL

My eating has been great all day through it and this evening I will get a workout of some sort in.  I only hope when I get home our MIA cat has come home.  I am soooooooooooooooo upset that he is missing.

I have something grating on my nerves.  I know that I have said it before, but my husband is definately a sabotour in my life with my weight.

He is not supportive of me with losing weight.  In the past, when I had made attempts to get back on track, he would not say much about it to me.  I would ask him to go do something out back with the kids so I could get my exercise in, but he wouldn’t.  He did something right, however, in December for my birthday by getting me a bike.  I was the only one in the family that did not have one.  If he was cooking dinner, VERY rarely would he listen to me when I would ask him to make my “insert everything” just seasoned and grilled. 

My husband travels 7 months out of the year working at various power plants….he left on the 27th of December so I had the whole plan hatched and ready that as soon as he left….that day I signed on for etools.  My thought is let me get a running head start before he gets home.  Let me be motivated by my successes that he won’t be able to stop me.

There are 2 things that I feel are causing him to act like this:

1-when I lose the weight, I will look hot. 

2-I am taking time for myself.

When I lose the weight and look hot, he is going to be away for most of that time still.  I can understand from his past history of relationships why that would get him nervous.  We had the exwife that cheated left and right and an exgf that lost weight, got implants and cheated left and right.  It’s been done to me in my past, would not want to do it to him.  Plus I am so in love with him and thankful to have him in my life, I couldn’t do it.  I want him to be proud of me when it is all said and done.

The taking time out for myself thing.  My taking an hour to myself is taking away from family time.  We do not have the luxury of family time year round and have to make the most of it while he is home.  However, he goofed in one area….he bought the bike for me! I already have planned in my mind family bike rides!!!!  As for the exercise and taking that hour for me, I am hoping once I get some initial weight off that my energy is going to get back up there and I will be able to start getting up early to do my workout.  If one of the kids (we have 5 between us) is crashed out in the living room, they are going to be woken up by the living room light.  That will teach them to sleep in their rooms! haha

This has just been really weighing on my mind since Monday night when I let it slip to him that I rejoined WW.  His reaction was zero.  No reaction.

I needed to get this off my chest!

Finally with the holidays gone, I was able to go to my first meeting since rejoining.  Now I have been in my redo moment since the 27th when I bought my monthly pass online.  On my scale it shows 11 pounds gone since the 27th, theirs shows 8.  I will take it!  So now I really have a starting point to go forward from and that is a good thing.  I also have that extra accountability of stepping on that scale in front of someone every week AND one of my really good friends was there as well.  That was a nice surprise!!  More people to buddy up with.

Even though I have been at it again since the 27th, each Monday since has been a holiday, so I haven’t been able to go to a meeting.  Tonight is it.

I live in a very small town, so the fact that there is even a meeting in my town, I think, is great!  Previously I lived in Pittsburgh so there were meetings galore to choose from.  I swear that the planets had to have aligned in order for me to even go on Monday’s. LOL  Our girls play basketball as well as one of the boys, how there are no games that will interfere is a miracle!  Then I also had to sign up the youngest for swim lessons (he is 6 and will go with the 13 y/o) because he had failed the test on it last year.  Because the 13 y/o and his friends will take the little one swimming, he needs to be able to swim better.  I need to know that he can help himself.  The boys are good about watching him, but all it takes is that one time, ya know?

On tap for today….work(yuck), then once the kids get off the bus, it is off to do grocery shopping, feed the kids and then off to my meeting.

Good morning!  My daughter had 2 of her friends sleep over last night, so you can imagine the munchies that they wanted after they all played basketball in the evening.  We had pizza, pepperoni bites, cheesesticks, and hotdog bites…..oh not to mention ice cream…..and guess what?  I journaled the 2 pepperoni bites I had AND I measured out the ice cream that I had as well and journaled that too!  I did go over by 3, but I had activity points to offset even more than those 3.  I am so prouf of myself!!!

Depending on what time the girls decide to get themselves up, I have got to go grocery shopping and get that tree down!